Some thoughts on church Christmas Day 2017

My daughter asked me a question that I've been pondering. She asked, “Why do you go to church?”

The simple answer is also the least satisfying, that is “to worship God.” But I can worship God anywhere. It doesn't have to be in a church. And attending church for the fellowship is a feeble excuse indeed.

So what brings me to one church over another? I've been attending the local Lutheran church for a while now. There's nothing wrong with it. It's a small church and I'm useful there. But I've never been moved to tears by a worship service there. I don't necessarily feel particularly uplifted, or been given much to think about after the service.

I miss the Episcopal service. I miss the ritual. I miss taking Communion every week. I miss kneeling at the altar and being blessed by the priest. I miss the mystery and yes, the pageantry, and the beauty of the service. I miss the profound sense of respect for God I feel there. I love that Communion is open to ALL, with no “litmus test” required. And heaven knows, I miss the Doxology!

I went to All Saints today for the Christmas Day service, and I started to weep at the first song, when the procession with the cross came down the aisle. My heart simply overflowed with the presence of the Lord.

So, the question is, why there, and not at Faith Lutheran? What is it that calls a person to one church or one denomination over another? Sure, there are theological differences, but not so much really.

I stopped going to All Saints because it was “so far away,” and “they don't need me there,” and “I get lost in a big church.” But, are those really valid reasons? “So far away” is simply a matter of what? Ten or fifteen miles? And perhaps the issue of not feeling “needed” is a bogus one. If I truly wanted to be of service, there are plenty of opportunities to do so at All Saints. And if I feel lost, it's because I'm expecting them to do the reaching out instead of doing it myself.

But if the reason for going to church is to worship God, then hadn't I ought to go to the church that fills my heart with the joy of the Lord? Big church or small, useful or not, isn't that the reason for going to church in the first place?

I've never quite felt at home at Faith Lutheran. Not fully. A few of the theological differences are actually pretty big things for me. They're not inclusive as regards to people of different sexual orientations. And they don't believe in women ministers. That's kind of a big deal for me. No, not “kind of.” It IS a big deal for me. My God is an inclusive god; one with a heart big enough for all. It doesn't shut people out of service because one gender has a penis and the other does not. Yeah, that's kind of a biggie.

The pull to stay “where I'm needed” is great. Faith is a small church, and they need every warm body they can get, especially one that's willing to work. But the truth is, I'm not feeling “fed” there, and I can't really explain why. I mean, there's nothing wrong with Faith Lutheran. The pastor and the congregation are wonderful. I just think it's not where I'm supposed to be. If the purpose of church is to be able to open one's heart freely to the Lord, and let Him fill it, then shouldn't I go where that happens more fully?

I haven't been to All Saints in probably a year. Maybe longer. But Rev. Aimee smiled at me on her procession down the aisle, and called me by name after the service. I almost felt like a prodigal daughter, returning home. And maybe, in spite of all my feeble excuses for not going to All Saints, it does feel more like home than Faith Lutheran.

Maybe there's my answer.